🔗 Share this article

The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?